My Prayer To God

Dear God,

You saved me from my wounds.
You helped me in my weakness,
You held me when i fell
and lifted me back up when i was stubborn.
I cry to you in my pain
and i cry in my anguish.
I call to you this day to save me once again,
To restore my faith and heal my spirit.
To wash away my tears and strengthen me up again.
I pray you keep me safe from my enemies
as i lay to sleep every night.
i pray you break me when i'm prideful
and humble me before you.
I pray you give me strength when i cant stand anymore
and use me even when i feel unworthy.
Keep Your eyes on me always
and watch over my family and friends as well.
teach me even though it may be hard.
Grab my life and restore it to yourself.
Bring me no glory but take it for yourself.

You knew me from my childhood,
When i didn't even know myself you made me.
You held me tight like a mother in her arms.
You breathed life into these bones
and gave sight to my very eyes.
You gave me more than i deserved
and i only complained day and night.
you loved me even when i sinned
and touched my heart to fill it with joy.
I rebelled so much in my youth though others thought i was "good".
I counted myself as "good" till i actually met you.
When you finally revealed yourself to me.

I thank the Lord everyday for this life,
for this comfort. He's with me.
You said you wouldn't leave me,
and forsaking is out of the question.
You care for me even when i hate myself.
I love you Lord
though i might mess up and feel guilty.
I punish myself harshly and you tell me not to.
I hate even myself for my mistakes,
but you tell me to love myself.

What am i Lord if you're not here?
I could never be who I am.
I pray that you use me more than ever.
Even if my enemies hate me,
or rip me to shreds.
even if they bite and beat and snare, I still love you!
I want you to use me always.
Don't let me get prideful,
don't let me live for me
but rather live for you!
Even if i hurt, i want you God!

Only you are worthy of everything.
Only you can take my pain away.
Only you can heal my heart.
Heal my broken sorrow.
But if you don't, it's ok
I will still love you!
And follow you till death
so that i may live in your presence always.

Please fix this terrible, unfaithful, wretched child of yours
Make me Holy like you are Holy!
and guide me through the dark wilderness of hatred and lies.
Keep my eyes focused on you,
on your love and faithfulness!

I pray in Jesus name!

Amen!

-Natasha Stepanov